Meet Your Protectors
IFS Exercise
Choose how you'd like to explore
Listen to the guided experience
— or —
Move through the exercise at your own pace
Some parts of us work incredibly hard.
They plan. Worry. Analyze. Accomplish. Avoid. Please. Perfect. Control. Stay busy. Stay vigilant.
Sometimes we appreciate what they do. Sometimes we wish they would just stop.
In Internal Family Systems (IFS), we can approach these patterns differently. Rather than asking, How do I get rid of this?, we become curious:
What might this part of me be trying to do for me?
This exercise offers a gentle way to begin.
Before You Begin
Find a few quiet minutes when you don't need to be anywhere else.
There's nothing you need to make happen. You don't have to visualize anything, find the “right” part, or have a profound experience.
Simply notice what comes.
1. Notice something that works hard
Bring to mind a pattern in yourself that you know well.
Perhaps there's a part of you that:
-
worries about what might go wrong
-
works hard to get everything right
-
takes care of everyone else
-
avoids difficult things
-
pushes you to accomplish more
-
analyzes everything
-
tries to keep the peace
-
stays alert for rejection or criticism
Choose something that feels manageable to explore today, rather than your most overwhelming experience.
2. Get curious
Instead of analyzing why you do this, see whether you can simply notice this part of you.
How do you know it's there?
You might notice a thought, an emotion, an image, a sensation in your body, an impulse—or simply a sense of I know this part of me.
There's no correct way for a part to show up.
3. Notice how you feel toward it
This is an important one.
When you notice this part, how do you feel toward it?
Annoyed? Frustrated? Embarrassed? Afraid of it? Grateful? Curious? Tired of it?
If another strong reaction appears, you don't need to make it disappear.
Just notice:
There may be another part of me here, too.
See whether that part might be willing to give you a little room to become curious about the protector you're exploring.
4. Listen
If it feels comfortable, gently ask the part:
What are you trying to do for me?
You might also wonder:
What are you worried would happen if you stopped doing this?
Then wait.
Don't force an answer.
Something may arise immediately. Something may surprise you. Or nothing may come at all.
All of those are okay.
5. See what changes when you stop trying to change it
You don't need this part to stop worrying, pleasing, pushing, avoiding, controlling, or protecting.
For these few moments, see what happens when your only job is to understand it.
You might offer:
I see how hard you've been working.
I'm interested in understanding you.
You don't have to change right now.
And notice what happens inside.
Before You Leave
Take a moment to reflect:
What did I notice?
What surprised me?
What might this part want me to understand about it?
Is there anything I want to remember the next time this part shows up?
You don't need to resolve anything.
Sometimes simply recognizing that a pattern we've been fighting may actually be an attempt to protect us begins to change our relationship with it.
Want to keep this exercise nearby?
Download the free printable version, with space to reflect and write as you get to know your protectors.
Download the Meet Your Protectors PDF →
Want to keep exploring your inner world?
Your protectors are only part of the story.
Inside you are parts that work hard, criticize, carry shame, grieve, long to be chosen—and parts that hold creativity, delight, and aliveness.
The Inner Home Journey is a 10-part, self-paced, IFS-inspired experience designed to help you explore these different parts of yourself through guided meditation, reflection, creativity, and compassionate curiosity.
It’s a place to go beyond understanding your inner world and begin experiencing a different relationship with it.
EXPLORE THE INNER HOME JOURNEY →
Not sure yet? Begin with a free guided Inner Home experience →